It's Been a While!!
Ok, it has been a while since I have posted any new posts. Every once in a while Life decides to throw a lot of curveballs all at once. The last few months for me have been nothing but curveball after curveball. It has been one of the more stressful times in my life. I probably should have kept posting as it would have offered a more healthy way of dealing with the stress. I instead shut down, bottled everything up and bit by bit began working on what I needed to inorder to get life back on track. I have never been accused of always making the right choices. :) Oh well, whats done is done and the point is I am back on.
To say I got knocked on my backside would be an improvement. I got straight beat down, run through the mud, backed up on, repeated cycle, etc. Yet sometimes in life we need these times in order to realize what we have been doing wrong and fix them before its too late. Now I am a Christian and believe very much in God. So for me it was more than life just throwing curveballs, it was God trying to give me a wake up call and testing me in other areas to see if I would keep trying to do everything on my own like I have for so many years or finally start looking to Him for help.
I am a very stubborn, thick headed, etc person. If you don't believe me, just ask my family and friends. They will be more than willing to back that claim up. Sometimes trying to get things across to me is like talking to a brick wall. I think that is why it took such a beating from Life and God to make me realize a few things.
I was looking at divorce, going through stresses of separating the military without any luck of finding a house, job, etc.
I eventually reached a breaking point and I broke down big time. I reached out to a select few friends and family, my pastor and God. I have never felt so hopeless, helpless, etc in my entire life as I did for the last few months. Little by little I started to work on myself. Started to try to correct the areas where I have failed as a husband and father. That was incredibly hard and still is as I have a long way to go. That wasn't the hardest though. The hardest was trying to show my wife that I have realized some issues and am working on changing them when she had given up, stopped caring, and didn't want to see what I wanted to show. Many times I wanted to give up as I am not one who has ever failed at anything. Yet I was staring failure in the face, it was a new frustrating feeling, and I wanted nothing more than to give in and give up. My friends and family were faithful though and kept me going. I eventually reached out to God and asked Him for help as well. Thats where things started to change. In a 24 hr time frame my wife found a house, I have a potential job lined up, my orders to separate finally came in and my wife had seen enough change in me to be willing to give us another chance. In a 24 hour time from I went from 0 to 60 with everything falling into place. I had been starting to wonder if separating the military was the right choice as it seemed that everything was falling apart around me as I got closer to the time and worked harder to make it happen. With everything finally falling into place, I can say it is the right decision but I still have a lot of work to do.
Why am I sharing this? I have really no idea other than to offer a brief explanation as to why this blog has been quiet. Maybe to also try to line in my head where I am at so I know where to go and what to do next. Either way, my readers, the few that you are, at least know I am back. As I said from day one, this really isn't a blog on anything specific. It is just me sharing my thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc. Mainly a way for me to vent and let others, who might be going through same situations or have same ideas, know that they are not alone.
A lot is going on right now and there is a lot to write about. So I am back and let Bender's Symposium continue.
To say I got knocked on my backside would be an improvement. I got straight beat down, run through the mud, backed up on, repeated cycle, etc. Yet sometimes in life we need these times in order to realize what we have been doing wrong and fix them before its too late. Now I am a Christian and believe very much in God. So for me it was more than life just throwing curveballs, it was God trying to give me a wake up call and testing me in other areas to see if I would keep trying to do everything on my own like I have for so many years or finally start looking to Him for help.
I am a very stubborn, thick headed, etc person. If you don't believe me, just ask my family and friends. They will be more than willing to back that claim up. Sometimes trying to get things across to me is like talking to a brick wall. I think that is why it took such a beating from Life and God to make me realize a few things.
I was looking at divorce, going through stresses of separating the military without any luck of finding a house, job, etc.
I eventually reached a breaking point and I broke down big time. I reached out to a select few friends and family, my pastor and God. I have never felt so hopeless, helpless, etc in my entire life as I did for the last few months. Little by little I started to work on myself. Started to try to correct the areas where I have failed as a husband and father. That was incredibly hard and still is as I have a long way to go. That wasn't the hardest though. The hardest was trying to show my wife that I have realized some issues and am working on changing them when she had given up, stopped caring, and didn't want to see what I wanted to show. Many times I wanted to give up as I am not one who has ever failed at anything. Yet I was staring failure in the face, it was a new frustrating feeling, and I wanted nothing more than to give in and give up. My friends and family were faithful though and kept me going. I eventually reached out to God and asked Him for help as well. Thats where things started to change. In a 24 hr time frame my wife found a house, I have a potential job lined up, my orders to separate finally came in and my wife had seen enough change in me to be willing to give us another chance. In a 24 hour time from I went from 0 to 60 with everything falling into place. I had been starting to wonder if separating the military was the right choice as it seemed that everything was falling apart around me as I got closer to the time and worked harder to make it happen. With everything finally falling into place, I can say it is the right decision but I still have a lot of work to do.
Why am I sharing this? I have really no idea other than to offer a brief explanation as to why this blog has been quiet. Maybe to also try to line in my head where I am at so I know where to go and what to do next. Either way, my readers, the few that you are, at least know I am back. As I said from day one, this really isn't a blog on anything specific. It is just me sharing my thoughts, ideas, experiences, etc. Mainly a way for me to vent and let others, who might be going through same situations or have same ideas, know that they are not alone.
A lot is going on right now and there is a lot to write about. So I am back and let Bender's Symposium continue.
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